Emotional Abuse in a relationship

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emotional abuse

Emotional abuse in a relationship can be emotional and physical. It does not leave a bruise on the body, but it’s damaging. The effect is long-term and takes several years to heal. Going away from an abusive relationship is challenging but possible. Recognize the signs is the first step toward your freedom, and rest assure it is not your fault.

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse in a relationship is when one of the partners act to control, isolate, and scare the other one. It’s a behaviour pattern, which brings a form of violence, threats, and actions. The goal of the abuser is to destabilize his/her partner. In an abusive situation, you lost your self-esteem and a sense of who you are. Recognizing the signs of abuse may be challenging, but you open your awareness by learning some facts.

recognize the signs

The offender wants to take control of the victim; by doing that, he removes the partner’s self-esteem, self-worth, and independence and makes them believe they can do & have nothing without them. Tragically, this keeps the victims in an emotional state as they feel they don’t have any power to change what is happening to them. The victim is often isolated from their family & friends to keep them under the offender’s grasp. Making it harder to have the help they need to leave this unhealthy situation.

In a loving https://catherinealifecoach.com/2020/07/01/love-in-a-relationship relationship, respect, trust, and consideration for the other person are involved; In a link where people experience abuse, they do not have these qualities. Instead, they included disrespect, mistreatment, jealousy, controlling behaviour, and physical or emotional violence.
When you feel like walking on eggshells, receive an insult, feeling ashame and hurt, this may be emotional abuse.
Abusers like to make you feel worthless; They used different techniques to put your down and to keep you under their control. Emotional abuse is one of the rigid forms of violence to recognize. It can be subtle, insidious and manipulative.

How to identify emotional abuse?

Any relationship is emotionally abusive when the pattern is consistent; they used offensive words and bullying behaviours to put down your self-esteem and mental health. You start to doubt your perceptions and reality, and this is what they want. The goal is to keep you under their control.

To dominate, the abuser discredit, isolate, and silence the partner; You feel trapped, scared, and afraid to leave the relationship.
Accusations, verbal-abuse, name-calling, criticisms, gaslighting and yelling; All of that destroys the sense of who you are and the way you see yourself. You start to agree with your abuser and begin to criticize yourself, as you feel you are not good enough for nobody. 

If you want to know if you are in an abusive relationship, think about how you interact with your partner and how they make you feel. If you experience hurt, confusion, frustration, misunderstand, depressed, anxious, worthless and having insomnia. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Not sure, you can take the quiz to help you figure out.

Emotional abuse in a relationship

Use the form below if you want to know if you are experiencing emotional abuse.https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSebVdWgTODy_YpRMOACTN7H4NYufcrAV6Wo7eviprYqDVOJ7w/viewform?usp=sf_link

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What are the signs of emotional abuse?

If your partner does only a few things, you are in an abusive relationship, do not minimize their behaviour. Healthy relation is about respect and love.
Those are just some examples :

  • Expect you to put everything aside to meet their needs.
  • Ask you to spend all of your time together.
  • The relationship is more giving without receiving.
  • Asking that you name dates and times when discussing things that upset you.
  • Not accepting your feelings by telling you how you should feel or necessary how you make them feel.
  • Telling you, you are too sensitive, emotional, and crazy.
  • You exaggerate and do not understand the subject.
  • Your partner started arguments about everything.
  • Contradictory or confusing statement.
  • Mood change drastically.
  • Make you feel guilty.
  • Humiliate you.
  • Deny and lie to you Blame you for their behaviour and mistake.
  • Make a joke at your expense.
  • Use sarcasm.
  • Use jealousy and envy.
  • Control your finance, and so on.

What is the long-term effect?

The long-term effect of an emotionally abusive relationship is low self-esteem & the loss of confidence. The victim often feels they cannot leave their abuser because they are not worthy and not sure they are in an abusive situation. Emotional abuse leads them to believe all the things that the abuser says; the victim feels they are crazy, and it’s all in their mind, exactly what the perpetrator wants from them.

  • Depression
  • Withdrawal
  • Low self-esteem and self-worth
  • Emotional instability
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Physical pain without a cause
  • Extreme dependence on the abuser
  • Underachievement
  • Inability to trust
  • Feeling stuck and alone
  • Substance abuse
Grow from emotional abuse
Grow from emotional abuse

How to deal with emotional abuse?

The best way to deal with emotional abuse in a relationship is to recognize that it’s happening in your relationships. Be honest with your emotions and your experience to take the control back of your life. Put yourself as a priority, physically and mentally and take care of your needs.

Set up your boundaries, and do not allow your partner to cross them. If they start to yell, insult you or other things, leave the room.
Please do not blame yourself; this is nothing to do with you but with your partner and low self-esteem. You cannot “fix” them, and this is not your job as a spouse.

Have a good support network in place to help, support, and listen to you. They can help to show you a different perspective of your life and your possibilities.
If your partner does not want to change his behaviour, end the relationship to stop the abuse.

How to prevent emotional abuse?

The first step with emotional abuse is to learn the signs. If you don’t recognize them, you can’t stop the behaviour. Listen to your body and the way you feel when you are with your partner. It’s the first step toward a change. As a victim, you can stand up to the abuser and stop the power they have over you. You dare to stop it; Use these techniques to help you.

  • Take control of the situation, act with confidence and look the abuser in the eye.
  • Speak calmly with a clear voice to bring your expectation.
  • Act with rationality. The responses should help the situation.
  • Be assertive but kind.

How to leave an emotionally abusive relationship?

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Have a plan and follow it. Take those steps to leave your unhealthy relationship.

  • Tell your family and friends about your situation and your plan to leave your partner.
  • Have a bag ready, with the essentials as papers, contacts, clothes and other things you may need to start.
  • Keep a record, with dates and what happened.
  • Go to the police & file a protective order if you don’t feel safe.
  • Find a safe place to stay or go to a shelter for protection & help.https://www.sheltersafe.ca
  • http://menandfamilies.org/

Published by Catherine A. Life Coach

Thank you for taking the step of seeking support. Catherine is a counsellor/psychologist, a certified relationship and family coach, Stress Management Coach, Mindfulness, Yoga and Meditation Practitioner and other relevant qualification. Over 20 years in helping clients with relationship issues and feeling good in their mind and body.

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